I’m writing a memoir about my time working and loving in tantric communities - and was finding it so complex to write about just what you speak of.
the messy edges of love. So resistant to definition or directing.
I relate so much to what you say about the limits of what can be shown on camera. There’s aspects of interiority and subtleties in intimacy that just can’t translate.
But in my research I did find authors who convey precious levels of depth in desire and relationships : kj Charles, and cat Sebastian. In case you want to flick a look.
Thanks for the courage to reveal new facets here 🌱
I love your words and ideas! I find myself aching to find a longing... one of desire, of learning and of acceptance. One where the moment is there and begins to breathe like a new life; short, sharp intakes at first that begin to mature into long, deeper aspirations as time and energy allow them to unfold. I came here to seek my voice once again, for space to pursue the erotic artist as well as the curious bi. I welcome your mind as part of our collective sigh of enjoyment. I hope your journey is a delightful one and I look forward with delight in all that you have to offer!
I love that you are here and I so look forward to reading your book! I love that you are asking these questions and offering this inquiry...I very much agree. Desire, and especially the ways in which we depict desire and make art from it can be such a fraught conversation. As someone who spends a lot of time in self-proclaimed "open" spaces and community and whose work specializes in self-pleasure, it's been incredible to me how open we can talk about sexuality...and yet the moment the word "masturbation" comes up, something shifts.
I have been on a path to help both myself and my wife enable our desires and to strengthen our own independent lives that we share together. We have enjoyed moments of freedom but only to be lost to an unknown force blocking pulling us back like an undiagnosed mystery illness. Just typing the word SHAME sends a chill through my body. It clearly is a contagious virus that is spread at a young age and infects our superego. I suspect there is no easy cure but excited to finally see this clearly thanks to you. Now time to go fight and we have a chance now.
what an awesome and necessary reflection And I couldn’t agree more
I think shame is one of those things people carry quietly for years without realizing it was never really theirs to begin with. It gets handed to us so early — through silence, discomfort, judgment, religion, family, culture, gender roles, and all the little moments where curiosity is treated like something dangerous instead of something human.
Desire tangled with imagination, permission, self-knowledge, and the question of whether we get to be the subject of our own story, isn’t that the truth?That feels like the heart of it. Desire is not just about sex. It is about agency. It is about whether a person feels allowed to want, to speak, to explore, to be complicated, and to exist without immediately shrinking themselves into something more acceptable.
We live in a world that is visually explicit but still emotionally immature. We can show bodies everywhere, but we still struggle to speak honestly about longing, fear, pleasure, shame, power, tenderness, and consent. So much gets flattened into judgment or performance when what we really need is language, curiosity, and room for complexity.
There is something powerful about creating a space where contradiction is not treated as failure. Where questions are allowed to stay questions for a while. Where desire does not have to be cleaned up before it is understood. Where people can admit that they are still learning how to separate what they truly feel from what they were taught to feel.
This feels like more than a beginning. It feels like an invitation to have the kind of conversation most people avoid, but many people quietly need. Check out some of the stories I’m writing. Let me know what you think.
I can’t wait to hear more from you Erica, I have been watching your films and the growth of the Lust empire pretty much since you began. Female centred pleasure in its visual format was almost completely absent until you gave it a voice and a scene. So glad you are here!
How intriguing. I’ve found a sense of liberation while finally indulging in a very specific kink, never understanding how deeply rooted this desire was and how much shame it carried. Until I turned mature and stopped caring what people or society felt about it.
Hi Erica. Thank you for your honesty which brought you to this adventure. Between the years of 13 and 22 I lived in a seminary and monastery where sexuality was seen as okay between a married man and woman as long as the goal was to have children. People having sex under other circumstances remained suspect. When I left 5the monastery, sex was a mystery as was the prohibition of sexual behavior and thoughts except married couples seeking to have children. It took a while for me to come to terms with the normality of sexual thoughts and behavior. I realized that thinking about sex and having it are normal parts of being human. I ended up working as a psychologist with children who have been sexually abused and with their abusers. I have come to see that sexual thoughts and acts are normal parts of being human but need to be acted on responsibly.
I’m writing a memoir about my time working and loving in tantric communities - and was finding it so complex to write about just what you speak of.
the messy edges of love. So resistant to definition or directing.
I relate so much to what you say about the limits of what can be shown on camera. There’s aspects of interiority and subtleties in intimacy that just can’t translate.
But in my research I did find authors who convey precious levels of depth in desire and relationships : kj Charles, and cat Sebastian. In case you want to flick a look.
Thanks for the courage to reveal new facets here 🌱
I love your words and ideas! I find myself aching to find a longing... one of desire, of learning and of acceptance. One where the moment is there and begins to breathe like a new life; short, sharp intakes at first that begin to mature into long, deeper aspirations as time and energy allow them to unfold. I came here to seek my voice once again, for space to pursue the erotic artist as well as the curious bi. I welcome your mind as part of our collective sigh of enjoyment. I hope your journey is a delightful one and I look forward with delight in all that you have to offer!
I want to read your book
SAME!
I love that you are here and I so look forward to reading your book! I love that you are asking these questions and offering this inquiry...I very much agree. Desire, and especially the ways in which we depict desire and make art from it can be such a fraught conversation. As someone who spends a lot of time in self-proclaimed "open" spaces and community and whose work specializes in self-pleasure, it's been incredible to me how open we can talk about sexuality...and yet the moment the word "masturbation" comes up, something shifts.
I have been on a path to help both myself and my wife enable our desires and to strengthen our own independent lives that we share together. We have enjoyed moments of freedom but only to be lost to an unknown force blocking pulling us back like an undiagnosed mystery illness. Just typing the word SHAME sends a chill through my body. It clearly is a contagious virus that is spread at a young age and infects our superego. I suspect there is no easy cure but excited to finally see this clearly thanks to you. Now time to go fight and we have a chance now.
what an awesome and necessary reflection And I couldn’t agree more
I think shame is one of those things people carry quietly for years without realizing it was never really theirs to begin with. It gets handed to us so early — through silence, discomfort, judgment, religion, family, culture, gender roles, and all the little moments where curiosity is treated like something dangerous instead of something human.
Desire tangled with imagination, permission, self-knowledge, and the question of whether we get to be the subject of our own story, isn’t that the truth?That feels like the heart of it. Desire is not just about sex. It is about agency. It is about whether a person feels allowed to want, to speak, to explore, to be complicated, and to exist without immediately shrinking themselves into something more acceptable.
We live in a world that is visually explicit but still emotionally immature. We can show bodies everywhere, but we still struggle to speak honestly about longing, fear, pleasure, shame, power, tenderness, and consent. So much gets flattened into judgment or performance when what we really need is language, curiosity, and room for complexity.
There is something powerful about creating a space where contradiction is not treated as failure. Where questions are allowed to stay questions for a while. Where desire does not have to be cleaned up before it is understood. Where people can admit that they are still learning how to separate what they truly feel from what they were taught to feel.
This feels like more than a beginning. It feels like an invitation to have the kind of conversation most people avoid, but many people quietly need. Check out some of the stories I’m writing. Let me know what you think.
You were my heroine when I was in cinema school and so happy to see you here 🔥
Glad you’re here
Excited to read your book. Very open and real and engaging!!
I can’t wait to hear more from you Erica, I have been watching your films and the growth of the Lust empire pretty much since you began. Female centred pleasure in its visual format was almost completely absent until you gave it a voice and a scene. So glad you are here!
LEGEND
I love that you’re writing now and am excited to keep reading. You have so much to say Erika and I’m here for it!
How intriguing. I’ve found a sense of liberation while finally indulging in a very specific kink, never understanding how deeply rooted this desire was and how much shame it carried. Until I turned mature and stopped caring what people or society felt about it.
Welcome! Substack is a more interesting place now that you’re here!
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Looking forward to reading your thoughts.
I recommend Tamara of the substack Museguided. She writes deeply about desire and autonomy and freedom.
Hi Erica. Thank you for your honesty which brought you to this adventure. Between the years of 13 and 22 I lived in a seminary and monastery where sexuality was seen as okay between a married man and woman as long as the goal was to have children. People having sex under other circumstances remained suspect. When I left 5the monastery, sex was a mystery as was the prohibition of sexual behavior and thoughts except married couples seeking to have children. It took a while for me to come to terms with the normality of sexual thoughts and behavior. I realized that thinking about sex and having it are normal parts of being human. I ended up working as a psychologist with children who have been sexually abused and with their abusers. I have come to see that sexual thoughts and acts are normal parts of being human but need to be acted on responsibly.